she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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