the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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