i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
