No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
