Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
