It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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