Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
