Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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