you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
