I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My pussy is not your playground.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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