Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize