i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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