he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize