Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize