you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
