I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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