Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
