The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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