i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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