i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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