halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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