i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did i walk over a car last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
