So drunk, too bad you don't want this
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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