You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
