Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They took my balls.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize