Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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