I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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