remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
