I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
