my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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