Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Randomize
