me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
