remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
