oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
