evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
