You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
