You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just pee around me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
