his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
