WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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