she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize