my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
