I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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