i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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