My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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