i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
