That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
