you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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