I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
