I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I won the penis lottery.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
