a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
