i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
