I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
