I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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