I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
