pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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