Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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