just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
