4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
