benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
