She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
