i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
