Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
