does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Shame is for Republicans.
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