I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
