I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
