Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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