DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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