i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
