drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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