PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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