did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
