fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
