If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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