he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
