On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
