she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
