if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
