I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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