when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
