i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
