HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
