it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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